Mamaberg
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A column by Erin Eisenberg (started 07-07-10)
Background: I’m a first-time mother with a passion for discussing topics related to raising kids in today’s world. My first child, Maya, has changed my life profoundly. I never imagined myself as a stay-at-home mother, or even necessarily a mother at all. Before having kids, I went to university where I majored in philosophy and environmental studies, then went on to complete a teaching degree. As a teacher, I enjoyed kids, but I was never much interested in babies; I thought they were kind of boring, and I just never knew what to do with them.
Then, my proverbial “clock” began ticking and I found myself married and wanting to start a family. Pregnancy was brutal, I had never felt worse: nausea, vomiting, hearburn & indigestion, breech presentation–you name it I went through it. But then, Maya arrived and none of those side effects mattered at all. I was anything but bored and all I wanted was to be with her every second. I am still regularly baffled that this fully formed human being grew inside me and is now this whole other person in my life who I love like no other. I find that I am enjoying motherhood more than I ever imagined.
Now, 18 months into my new life as a mom, I’ve met many other new moms in my community. When we get together, we do that thing where we talk non-stop about our children, our lives and our child rearing philosophies. I have discovered that there are many topics that can divide mothers, such as, cloth diapers vs. disposables, or soothe baby to sleep vs. cry it out.
I decided: what better way to share my views (and sort out what I believe) than to engage in the discussion with other moms? Since I’m so often at home with the baby, the online community with the Anmore Alternative News seems like a great place to start. So, here we go!
The Return (27-08-10)
Lately, every time I leave the house to run an errand I seem to forget something I really need. This is especially bad when I have other people with me to distract me from my purpose (and I am very easily distracted!). The result is that I drive down my driveway, around the corner and onto the main road when I realize that I have forgotten something and I have to go back home. Sometimes there are two or three things that I have left behind which results in my return to the house two or three times. I feel like senility is setting in. My neighbors, if they’re watching, must think I am totally nuts!
Add to this problem the fact that my totally manic mother, along with my much more mellow father, are in town visiting. My dad and my husband were working on a kitchen reno! My mom and I were running out to get some important stuff for the guys to help them complete their project and by the time we got down the driveway, around the corner and onto the main road, I realized that I’d forgotten one of the things we needed.
The conversation that ensued was as follows:
Me: Oh darn, I forgot the lightbulb. I always do this, we have to go back. (turning the car around)
Mom: (laughter)
Me: I feel like Blair
Mom: Who?
Me: You know that principal at your old school who used to always come back to work 50 times after he’d left because he always forgot something. We used to laugh at him from the staff room windows.
Mom: (serious laughter)
Me: What? What’s so funny?
Mom: His name is Blaine.
Me: Oh great, now I’m really losing it, I can’t even remember the name of the forgetful guy who I’m like.
To join Erin in conversation on her blog Click Here
Mamaberg and the Perseid Meteor Shower (18-08-10)
Yesterday was a seriously perfect day. I woke up determined to get myself and Maya to the beach in the morning. I love our nearby beach because it’s great for Maya but also because it’s a bit of a hike with the stroller to get there and Maya puts up with it because it’s not too long and she knows that it’s a means to her favourite end. This means I can get in a bit of a workout, especially on the way back to the car as it’s all uphill.
When we got home I fed Maya and put her down for a nap and then I got a surprise message from a great friend from University who was in from out of town. She asked if I could meet for drinks with her and some friends after dinner. Needless to say that as the mother of a toddler with no family in town, I don’t get out without my daughter enough. I was delighted to have the chance to engage in stimulating adult conversation (on a patio by the ocean no less!).
Then another old friend from out of town dropped by my house with her new baby. We had a great visit because Maya was still asleep.
I ate dinner, got downtown and had a fabulous time with my friend (and her friends). I even met another blogger who is clever and interesting and enjoys reading some of the same bloggers as I do. We were having such a good time enjoying drinks on the patio that we continued on to a nearby coffee shop because none of us were ready to say goodnight!
Even better than all that was the moment when I drove up to my house later that night and looked up at a clear starry sky, which is not so common here on the west coast, and saw the glowing tails of the meteors from the Perseid Meteor Shower that happened to be at its peak last night.
I ran upstairs and woke up my sleeping husband to drag him out back to watch the meteor shower in the darkness. He obliged. He is such a champion for putting up with me! Our neigbourhood is on the outskirts of town and we have no street lights, which makes for fantastic stargazing conditions. This may be corny but it was one of the most romantic moments we’ve had since our daughter was born!
To join Erin in conversation on her blog Click Here
04-08-10 - The Worst Puzzle Ever
Hello all,
I hope you are fully enjoying this great summer weather and the leisure time to play with games and puzzles.
Generally I love Melissa & Doug products. They’re often hand crafted, they’re made of non-toxic materials and they entertain my daughter. She especially adores the Pound and Roll Tower. However, the puzzle, pictured to the left is their WORST INVENTION EVER! In fact, it’s the worst toy in the world.
Seriously. At first sight, it seems like a good idea; the animals make a realistic sounding noise when you match up the puzzle piece with the right space in the puzzle. Like a lot of puzzles from my own childhood, right? WRONG! It turns out that’s not only do the animals make noises when you match up the puzzle pieces, but the rooster will spontaneously call out or the sheep will “baa” when we walk by the play area. Even worse than that, when I’m lying on the couch fading out to the drone of my favorite TV show (which I rarely get to do anymore), the animals will pipe up as if to tell me that I ought not to relax and fall asleep on the couch.
All this would be livable if there was an off switch somewhere, but it’s NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. For this reason I warn everyone and anyone to please please avoid this puzzle like the plague. It was a gift from one of Maya’s adoring relatives, and while I love the sentiment the fact that we feel obligated to keep it is going to send me over the edge. Note to all toy makers: ALWAYS INCLUDE AN OFF SWITCH. I beg you!
To join Erin in conversation on her blog Click Here
Sunscreen for Babies (26-07-10)
The Dilemma
I keep waffling between using sunscreen on my baby and avoiding the stuff altogether. I have done all kinds of reading on the topic in an attempt to determine what’s the best course of action. I like to be outside a LOT, and it’s summer, and we’re in the midst of a mini heat wave.
So, the issue is now pressing. Some say you shouldn’t use sunscreen on a child under two, others say that it’s safe at the age of six months. I was going to just cover Maya up for the summer and avoid the sunscreen altogether, but I’m finding that covering up is not so easy; her hands, face and feet still get a little sun no matter what I do. In addition, I want my daughter to enjoy the sun a bit without being layered up with loads of clothing in the heat.
The Medical Community
I saw our doctor today and asked her opinion on the matter, and she stated that the concerns surrounding the supposed toxicity of sunscreen are in the “lay” community and not in the medical community. My doctor is a mother of four little kids, and she asserts that she readily uses sunscreen on her children. She says there’s no causal link between the ingredients in sunscreen and cancer. I want to believe her. But I also recall not so long ago that everyone was claiming that BPA in plastic water bottles causes cancer and such claims were not widely recognized until long after the rumors started. Now, there is a clear connection and BPA is everyone’s worst enemy. So, should I not then apply the precautionary principle just to be safe?
Middle Ground?
In an attempt to find a solution, I started reading online about sunscreen on various “green” websites. After some research, and discussion with other new moms facing the same dilemma, I found that there are some sunscreens that are considered safer or less toxic than others. The Environmental Working Group (EWG) cautions against the use of sunscreen here, especially those that contain the active ingredient oxybenzone. However, the Skin Cancer Foundation refutes this claim where they insist that oxybenxone is safe to use.
The EWG has compiled a list of “safe” sunscreens for those who want to minimize the risk of exposure to potentially harmful chemical ingredients. This list which rates each product also takes into account how effectively a sunscreen blocks UVA and UVB rays from the sun–some sunscreens are non-toxic but don’t protect the skin from the sun. Some good bits of info on safe sunscreens were also found here.
In light of this, I decided to go to Planet Organic in search of some “safe” sunscreen for my baby girl. I decided to ask a representative who works there and knows a bit about their products for a recommendations, and she immediately cautioned me against using the sunscreen on Maya and she tried very hard to convince me not to use it until she was at least 2 years old. So, just when I thought I’d made up my mind, here I was being swayed once again in the other direction.
The woman at the store asserted that when our society began widespread use of sunscreen the rates of skin cancer actually increased, whether this is actually true, I do not know. She made mention of her ‘training’ but I don’t know exactly what kind of training she was referring to. In the end, I purchased a zinc oxide based sunscreen by a company called Badger (which has a fairly good rating from the EWG, as long as I go with the SPF 30, as the SPF 15 doesn’t block UVB rays effectively) and I may or may not use it on Maya (although I’ll probably use it on myself).
Despite finding lots of information on the use of sunscreen for humans, there is little literature out there denoting the safety guidelines specifically set out for babies. I remain frustrated, confused and a little annoyed. Perhaps ignorance is bliss. What are other moms out there doing to protect their babies from the sun? UV suits & sunhats? Hiding indoors? Obessing over shade? One things is certain, there is a causal link between sunburns at a young age and skin cancer, so Maya needs sun protection, the big question is what is the best approach?
To join Erin in conversation on her blog Click Here
Monday, July 19, 2010
Should you let your baby watch TV? Some of my friends say yes, and many say no. At first, I was baffled that anyone would even think to avoid television with their child. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think TV should be used as a babysitter, but I wasn’t going to go out of my way to ensure that my baby never saw a TV screen. I mean is it really THAT big of a deal?
Then, I started hearing other moms say things like, “watching television can lead to shorter attention spans”. Initially, I didn’t believe this at all. It sounded like a load of stuff. I was personally allowed to watch television as a child and although TV has changed a LOT since I was a baby, I don’t feel television harmed me in any way. If anything, I think I learned a thing or two from shows like Sesame Street, Reading Rainbow and Mr. Rogers; I have a good attention span, I was always a strong student in school, and I don’t watch an excessive amount of television as an adult, although I do enjoy certain shows in the fall and winter months. In addition, my sister has three kids, all of whom were always exposed to TV when they were infants. Her kids are now school-aged and doing very well academically and socially. So what’s the big deal with TV? It seems harmless, right?
Well… maybe not. After doing some reading on the topic, I discovered that The American Academy of Pediatrics (“an organization of 60,000 pediatricians committed to the attainment of optimal physical, mental, and social health and well-being for all infants, children, adolescents, and young adults.” Click Here) does not recommend putting your infant or toddler in front of the television before the age of two. The reasoning behind this prohibition is explained here. There doesn’t seem to be any clear benefit for a child who watches TV, and this article from CNN even suggests that there may even be some harm caused by plopping your child in front of the TV.
Essentially, the claims are that TV time is wasted time for an infant or child who ought to be spending her waking hours engaged in “productive cognitive activities”. From what I’ve read, there are assertions that a child’s neural pathways are best developed when he is using his body and mind together to engage in an activity. Television is a passive activity. The experts are saying that because it doesn’t fully engage the child’s mind and body, it doesn’t foster the development of the brain as effectively as other activities such as reading, singing and interacting with people and toys.
While none of this research is definitive, it seems to make good sense to me. Of course, sitting and watching a TV screen isn’t going to help a child develop as much as if she is exercising her body and interacting with the world around her. Isn’t this just common sense? In the end, these concerns were enough to convince me to avoid plunking my baby in front of a TV on a regular basis.
That said, I don’t think occasionally exposing her to the TV is going to harm her. The key is not to make it a habit and, as mentioned above, not to use it as a babysitter. For me, it all comes back to the old adage “moderation is best”. After all, I did think it was cute when my little girl was excitedly watching TV with her 7 and 9-year old cousins when we were on holidays… and, man, it provided me with a much needed break when I was traveling without my husband.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Dear readers,As mentioned in my first entry below, my daughter Maya has been afraid of the bathtub for over a month. In particular, she is scared of the drain. I was over at my neighbour’s house yesterday while the kids were playing in the sprinklers and my wonderful, wise neighbour offered for her children (who Maya adores!) to come and join Maya for a bath. So, Maya’s two friends (both quite a bit older–aged 3 and 5) came over with many of their own bath toys in tow and they helped to convince Maya that having a bath was a fun endeavor. Maya cried a lot at first and she insisted that her friends get out of the bath so that she could play with them on dry ground, but they just ignored her and eventually she got in the bath, although she would only stand up–no sitting. By the end, everyone was out of the bath and she was reluctant to get out. That said, she only got her ankles wet, but she had fun–this was progress.
So today, in an attempt to build upon this success, I bought a bunch of new bath toys, and (at the recommendation of friends and family) I picked up some bathtub crayons at Michael’s. I also bought a new container of bubbles and bubble blower. I was determined to make bath time into the event of the century! The result was pretty good. Maya got in the bath, wouldn’t sit down but was crouching down with her new and exciting bath crayons. But wait, she wasn’t just crouching, she was also kind of grunting… and yes, you guessed it, she was going number TWO while she was drawing with her crayons in the tub! In an effort not to make this a big deal out of this and ruin her experience (she usually freaks out if there’s even a bit of sock lint floating in the tub), I whisked Maya into the other bathtub in the house where my wonderful husband took over and finished bathing her there, while I got down to the fun job of cleaning up the contaminated tub and toys.
Regardless of the fact that this was kind of a disaster, since she’s only pooped in the bath two other times EVER (and one of them was when my mom was bathing her–thank god!), Maya didn’t seem to notice any of the chaos and she enjoyed her time so immensely that she was complaining that she wanted to go back in the bath after we took her out. She even sat down for my husband and she did so RIGHT NEXT TO THE DRAIN!
I declare the bathtub fear officially conquered.
Mamaberg
To join Erin in conversation on her blog Click Here
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
About a month ago, for no apparent reason, Maya went from loving bath time to having hysterical crying fits when she came near the bath. My husband and I can’t figure out why this has happened, but it’s been a month and she is not letting up. Her main concern seems to be the drain, but this is even more perplexing because she used to spend a good portion of her bath time playing with the drain, opening it, closing it, opening it, closing it… you get the idea.
At first we thought she’ll surely get over it if we just keep bathing her, but we hugely underestimated our daughter’s ability to remember and perseverate about things. With each bath session, her anxiety grew worse and worse to the point where she broke down in frightened tears at the mere mention of the bath. She would even tell herself “it’s okay, Maya, it’s okay!” through her sobs. It’s like she wants to be unafraid but can’t help it. And this isn’t like an ordinary crying spell over wanting her own way or something… it’s somehow different when she faces this particular situation. It’s genuine fear. So, I did some reading on the internet about this issue… and what little I did read said that you shouldn’t ignore your child’s fear. So I tried getting in the bath with her, blowing bubbles in the bath, introducing new toys… all of this did nothing to distract her from her certainty that she was totally afraid and unhappy.
So, we’ve started showering with her, and while she was a bit weary at first, she’s enjoying the showers a lot now. She’ll even stand up in the shower for a few minutes, but then she sees the drain and wants to be picked up right away. She still goes and looks at the bath tub from time-to-time and she’s even asked to go stand in it without any water running, but then she immediately changes her mind. I’m just beginning to wonder if she’s ever going to shake this fear. I don’t think I’ll be able to shower with her when summer’s over and I have to go back to work… suggestions anyone?
